My bus across Cambodia stopped for half an hour for a pit stop, and through the people selling deep fried spiders and ducks I found a stand selling big bags of beef jerky. Without knowing any Cambodian, I bought a half kilo for $4.50, which I did my best to negotiate down but instead of budging in the slightest, they just kept looking at me as if I was only joking about buying it in the first place. They wouldn't sell me any less than a half kilo, but after staring at it for so long I really just had to have it. I take this huge bag of beef carrion to the beat up restaurant table where my friend is sitting, take out a huge piece, and tear into it full force. It might just have been the best beef jerky I've ever had; sun dried and probably no more than a day or two old.

In less than a minute, the whole restaurant was staring at me. Then they tried their best to muffle their laughs. Finally one guy said to me, "no eat!" and then burst out laughing. I spat out what I had in my mouth and gave the big piece to the guy, who took it into the kitchen and DEEP FRIED the fucker for a good 3 or 4 minutes. He served it on a plate for me and said "now, eat."

I tried saying how we eat this stuff raw where I come from, but they just looked at me like I was crazy. I guess out here they have to beef-jerky-ize everything before the flies get to it, without refrigeration and temperatures at 90 degrees during the winter. I guess even then it stands the risk of getting really, really gross so they deep fry it before serving it just in case. Deep fried beef jerky is, by the way, an awesome idea and everybody should do it... you know, for health.

One night in Laos, I was trying to decide whether to snack on squid jerky or deep fried chicken feet when I realized how much my diet has changed out here. Once I managed to eat a whole duck on the bus without any utensils, after watching a Cambodian do it. I guess it must be working, since this delicious beef jerky hasn't made me sick yet. I stopped eating it raw just in case, but now every morning I come out with a huge slab of meat for the kitchen to fry as breakfast.


By the way, replacing the Team America song with the words "Cambodia, FUCK YEAH" makes for a much better song.