I must have spent close to a week in Pai, the lost hippie getaway of the world. It's just one of those places to end up if you have nothing to do for a long time and don't intend on learning anything about the local culture. In any case, it's one hell of a party. Still, it was really nice to find a group of people who wanted to take a motorcycle trip around the province. Their plan was written on a table napkin by some thai who sorta knew something about something in the area, but basically we all left our backpacks and sent off for ten days around the country with nothing but a small bag and a napkin map. I guess I expected a slow cruise, since we had these crappy bikes and no helmet or sunglasses to block the swarms of mosquitoes that come out at sunset. Instead, we pushed these bikes as fast as they could make it, pushing 100km/hr on the straightaways. For most of the trip, the road was steep and rediculously curvy, enough to end up in first gear just to make it to the top of the hills. At night this turned into one hell of a deathtrap, since much of the road had been washed out in the recent floods. The whole helmet thing became frightfully apparent when one of our group (the fastest) took a turn right in front of me at night and didn't see the signs (written in Thai anyway) that said the lane ends immediately after the turn. I saw him fall, then made a full skid to stop myself in the gravel, barely not falling over. I parked the bike and ran over to find him lying face down in a huge cloud of dust, unconscious. In a few more seconds, he began to cough and answer to his name. A few minutes later, a truck stopped for us and took him to the hospital where they gave him 5 stiches in the back of his head. By the way, two hours of good, sterile medical attention out here cost him $15US including 12 more daily visits to have his wounds cleaned. Needless to say, he had to head back. Three of us left. So we slowed down a bit, enjoyed the scenery, and made it the rest of 600 Km around and to Chiang Mai safely. Two nights ago we stay in this tiny town in Bumblefuck nowhere and try to find the party. For some reason, there's one bar with anybody in it in this whole town of 1000 or so people. Of course, it's a ladyboy karaoke bar. Why not? We walk in and everybody is so crazed to see three foreigners that I felt like a big juicy steak in front of hungry lions. The lions, of course, were singing awful thai songs. Awefully. It took two songs before they hand me the mic and make me sing some god aweful song I've never heard before by a group called Westlife. I sung at the top of my lungs in the butt-rock drunk karaoke tone I know from home, but it was enough to get surrounded by ladyboys. At one point I go take a piss and one follows me into the bathroom, mid stream, and closes the door behind me.
"Five minute"
"no"
"Two minute"
"Get out of the way"
"Just give me two minute"
I had to physically push her out of the way to get to the door. She was, by the way, a full foot taller than me. I guess I missed my chance to get my asshole tickled, but I almost got her to strip in the bar in front of everybody to prove she had a ManGina. That would have been worth the effort.

Now we get the weekend back in Chiang Mai, in essence, to get laid by legitimate chicks. So last night we went back to Bubbles 'till 2 and Spicy 'till 6, the two bars that exist for the sole purpose of providing a breeding ground between Western guys and Thai girls. The girl I met this time happened to actually be a winner, not just a pretty face for sale. I didn't expect much, since she was wearing next to nothing (fashionably) and dancing like a spring break girl gone wild. But at 21, she owns and runs her own bar in the center of town and speaks perfect english. I guess what won me over was when she refused to let me buy her a second drink. I hope I can play this one without her getting too attached, but it's real nice to have someone to see in Chiang Mai since I'll probably be coming back here a lot. Then again, one of the guys I'm travelling with has been getting a daily phone call from his girl in Chiang Mai, complaining about why he's not back to see her yet. I don't mind learning my lesson the hard way.

Oh yeah, so I go take a piss at this Spicy place. I barely have time to unzip when I feel a cold towel around my neck. After the ladyboy incident, this is a nice subtle touch. I guess it's OK. Then I feel hands massaging my back. Pretty nice massage, actually. I keep peeing. Then, two hands around my neck and before I know it, the entire top half of my spine cracks. Then the other way. Fucking chiropracters in the pissers out here. I finish, zip up, and stick around for another few minutes to get three guys grabbing my arms, ears, and back to do the quick and dirty upper body massage. I give them 50 cents and walk out feeling more refreshed and alive than I've ever come out of a bathroom before. Fantastic.

One more night in Chiang Mai before I have to return the bike to Pai. Then I head to the islands in the south for the new year's and "new" moon party. NYE should be huge, I think 100k people descend on Ko Pangan for the weekend. I guess life could be more difficult.