I figured out that having sex out here is a lot like eating meat; you have the desire in you but then you look at the rotting pieces of flesh lying in the heat covered in flies and you forget you ever wanted it. That might be why India has one of the lowest HIV rates in the world. Bad hygene, they don't teach that trick on MTV. See Jael, eating garbage can save your life.

I've been doing absolutely nothing for the past 3 weeks (except thinking of things like that). OK, I've been driving a lot. And getting the bike fixed. I saw that Beatles Ashram. But aside from that I've been smoking hash with whoever's at the guesthouses I've stayed at 'till 1AM, then waking up and doing it all over again. They're nice guesthouses, usually have a nice table overlooking the himalayas, and have a "please do drugs here" policy. It's a good policy, really beefs up the grilled cheese sandwhich market. Makes a whole lot more sense to come here than to Amsterdam for the same thing, anyway.
But that's not why I came out here. I came out here to see shit, do shit, and find shit, not smoke shit. Still, no matter how hard I try there's not one tiny little bit of me that has ANY inclination whatsoever to step out the door and walk down the street to look at a temple. I'm used to the heat, I'm used to the smell of horseshit, dogshit, cowshit, goatshit, peopleshit, I'm used to smelling like that myself, I'm used to the squat toilets, the dirty food, the dirty water, the barking dogs, the barking shop owners, the beggars, the con artists, the persistent needy children, I'm finally over having every shopowner say "hello Friend" or anything it'll take to get me into his store as if he was a porn site trying to lure me inside by sending me "friendly" junk emails. It's not so bad, all that. In fact I can pretty surely say I'm accustomed enough to it all that it doesn't bother me anymore.
So then what went wrong? I've been trying to figure this one out. It's not that India's daunting, or that there's not much or too much to see out here. It's that I have absolutely no desire to tread through all that muck just to see it when I could be perfectly content talking metaphysics with similarly lazy travellers from all around the world. The metaphor is spot on: India is like the leftovers of a diamond smuggler after he gets off the airplane; you have to swim through all that shit to get to the diamonds. I've been swimming through rubies, saphires, AND pearls for the past 7 months so I can't see any reason to go outside and swim in shit when I could be getting grilled cheese sandwiches and fruit lassis served to me as I'm rolling the next spliff.
That means I've gotta go home. When I've lost the ambition to swim through a subcontinent of shit to find even a few places of interest, I've lost the will to travel. I'm wasting time here. Hopefully when I get home to find out how boring things really are, it'll defibrulate me into wanting to get the hell out into the world again. That's the plan, anyway. Flight leaves in 24 hours...